Why You're The Best Self-Help Guru You Should Listen To

And how to do just that…

Adelina Vasile
7 min readDec 21, 2021


Photo by Karsten Winegeart on Unsplash

How can you expect someone else to teach you self-help?

Is there anyone out there who knows you better than you do? Who knows what goes on in your mind, how you feel, and what you need? Is self-help supposed to come from the outside?

Everyone can come up with suggestions. Plans, formulas, routines. Things that are generally known to work for many people. Will they work for you?

What happens when you expect those formulas to work for you, but they don’t?

You’re the most entitled person in the world to help yourself. But there’s a catch.

You need to relearn to listen to yourself.

You're disconnected from yourself

Once upon a time, you knew what you needed. You used to point it out very clearly. You’d scream from the top of your lungs.

There was a problem, though.

The responses you were getting weren’t aligned with what you were screaming about. It wasn’t your fault. All you could do was cry.

It wasn’t necessarily your parents’ fault either. They could barely hear their thoughts because of your crying.

Babies whose needs aren’t met on time, gradually learn to ignore those needs.

Of course, you were a baby for a little while. Still, growing, evolving, learning how to speak and speak up for yourself didn’t make you relearn how to listen to yourself.

Perhaps you were unfortunate enough to live in an environment where listening to yourself wasn’t beneficial.

You thought it was best to mute your feelings and ignore your needs rather than face reality.

Photo by Jason Leung on Unsplash

Or you had an authoritarian parent, an unwell parent, even a little sibling you were forced to parent.

When odds are against you, it’s easy to place yourself second to everything.



Adelina Vasile

Mother, educator, journalist, copywriter. I write about the things I need to learn myself. Check my Substack here >> https://undressingcopy.substack.com/