NOTE TO SELF

When We Try So Hard To Be Good Parents That We Screw Up Our Children

Almost irreparably.

Adelina Vasile
5 min readMar 11, 2022

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Picture of baby elephant trying to drink water from a river, with his mother standing right behind him, as if pushing him towards the water.
Photo from Pixabay

“Behind every young child who believes in himself is a parent who believed first.” — Matthew Jacobson

Do you believe in your children? Do you, really?

If you do, why do you want to give them everything? Why do you want them never to lack anything, always be happy, and have no worries other than playing and learning?

Why do you tell yourself that life begins when you step out of your comfort zone, all while doing everything you can to keep your children in a permanent comfort zone?

You want to be a good parent

And expect your child to reflect how good of a parent you are.

But what is a good parent, anyway? What do the children of good parents look like?

Your child’s happiness is no reflection of your abilities as a parent.

It isn’t, because children don’t need to be happy all the time. If anything, they need to be allowed to experience the full range of emotions.

Emotions are a part of life, and you’re preparing them for life. Your job isn’t to keep them happy all the time but to teach them how to navigate through happiness and sadness alike. How to navigate through life.

You teach, and they learn. So, here’s the catch:

Learning isn’t comfort. It certainly isn’t comfortable either.

Learning isn’t balance. It is anything but a smooth ride.

What is learning? It’s inner conflict — something your children can never experience if all you do is pamper them, protect them, do everything for them, keeping them comfy at all costs.

Keeping a child comfy at all costs means paying a terrible price.

What if you are unknowingly bad?

Even good parents can make bad calls.

We do it all the time.

We want to give our children everything. And we do, as much as we can. Do you recall how it…

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Adelina Vasile

Mother, educator, journalist, copywriter. I write about the things I need to learn myself.