What MILF Means in My Mommy Dictionary & How I Deal With It

Hint: it has to do with eating and hunger games.

Adelina Vasile

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Source: pixabay.com

In my dictionary, there are only two definitions for MILF.

It’s either a Mother I’d Like to Feed — because she’s too thin, skinny even.

Or a Mother I’d Like to Fit — because she’s not in good shape anymore. She’s getting fat, but not in the good, avocado-kind of good, fat.

Lately, I’ve been feeling like I’m remotely related to avocados.

I can tell it because I’m getting boobs — something that hardly ever happens unless I’m fetching extra pounds or an extra child. Since I made sure it can’t be the latter, it looks like we have a winner.

Extra pounds it is, and I have to do something about it. I’d hate getting to that stage where I can no longer see where I’m stepping. Tripping and falling, despite the airbags, is undesirable.

Therefore, let the hunger games begin.

If you’d like to join, here are the three rules that I play by:

First, let me rate you

I’ve been in an open relationship with food ever since I can remember.

I used to open my mouth, and food would go in. I had no obligations to clean the plate and no sentimental complications if I decided to eat it all.

And I decided it often.

For the first 24 years of my life, this game worked perfectly. I was the skinny one who would do the all-you-can-eat without the guilt.

Now that luck has left me (and I’m not 25, in case you’re wondering, hence I’ve been out of luck for a few years), I must step up the game. I can’t keep doing the all-you-can-eat. Yet, how do I decide what I can eat?

I rate. Not the food. My hunger.

Is it a level 5 hunger? Or more like a 7? Can I wait until 8 — 9? Or am I already at the nuclear level 10?

As a mom, I have a lot on my plate. Just not food. If I blink, I might jump from level 5 to 20. It happens when I forget to eat all day, and in the evening, I’d eat the whole fridge and the kid that roams around it looking for the jam jar.

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Adelina Vasile

Mother, educator, journalist, copywriter. I write about the things I need to learn myself.