So true, Kristina! My dirty little secret to attuning more quickly is to remind myself that it's not about me. I found that I tend to react to my husband's reactions. If he's upset, I get upset because I don't like the tension I'm feeling, and it all becomes about me, me, me. If I manage to put a hold on it and tell myself - ok, you're upset because he's upset, why don't you try and genuinely find out what makes him upset, and how can you help him? - I then quickly attune with my partner. I also have the ability and the clarity to understand his feelings and reason with him when I am no longer focused on how I feel in the moment. And by the time we finish our talk, and he's feeling better, I realize that I'm feeling better too. If I don't attune with him, not only that I can't make things work, but I also end up feeling miserable and act in ways that will only lead to even more tension. Every. Single. Time. Many thanks for this valuable reminder!
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