So, they previously expressed how they feel about "the gays", they learned about your daughter's orientation and still reach out with such messages?

To me, it seems they're just looking for opportunities to display their unsolicited opinions - "I heard she curled her hair one day so we think she's OK" - who asked them what they think?! and then "but just wanted to check" - this screams like mean, unsolicited intrusiveness to me.