She Felt Like a Child on International Women’s Day
Do you ever feel like you’ve been running in the wrong direction? Like maybe they were right to tell you, “slow down, you crazy child”?
You’ve wanted to grow up ever since you can remember.
You’ve begged your parents to take you to school. Stalked your older sister to take you with her gang. Sought the company of older people. Got into relationships with older men. Until one day, you woke up realizing they’re all looking at you as if you were a woman.
The only problem is you’re still feeling like a little girl. And you have no idea what was all the struggle and hurry about.
Today, millions of women celebrate their femininity on international women’s day. You dread this holiday you’re supposed to fake, smiling when getting flowers, feeling like a fraud when replying to special wishes.
What’s a woman, anyway?
Sure, you’ve got the looks.
You’re now blushing behind a different blush tone. There’s lipstick on your lips, and sometimes that lipstick ends up on some man’s body parts. Other times, some man’s body parts get under your shirt or your skirt, whether you want it or… not.
You dress however you please and come home whenever you want. You forgot what curfew is. Maybe you’re the one reminding a child what curfew is. Your child.
When did that happen? How did that child end up in your belly, in your arms, in your heart?
Why on earth did they trust you to be a mother when you still very much need your mother?
Why did no one warn you of spending the rest of your life with your heart walking outside of your body?
With all the freedom you’ve got, responsibility came to swipe you off your feet. You had to make choices, some of which you wanted, some of which you were forced to.
You had to put on your big girl pants, live and let live, without the tears that desperately wanted to let loose. You’ve closed your eyes for a brief moment to keep the tears from flowing.
There, that’s what a woman is. A little girl who chased butterflies until she fell and hurt…