Is The Carb Guy Finally Getting Kicked to the Curb?

I don’t buy it.

Adelina Vasile

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Foto Maksim Goncharenok

Once upon a time, there was this guy who thought women’s place is in the kitchen. Or really anywhere where they’re supposed to be sitting on their knees.

For reasons that are far outside our knowledge (and possibly even field of sight), this guy had a lot of curb appeal.

And a passion for anything carb.

He bragged about luxury sports cars whose carbon emissions go through the roof.

And posed with pizza boxes whose carb splurges now make infamous internet memes.

People say posing with those pizza boxes is why he’s currently in a box.

They’re taking sides, saying that either:

Karma kicked him for pulling the leg of a teenage girl who fights against carb-on dioxide emissions.

or

The Matrix sent their agents and if they kill him, we should know he loved us all (hold your horses, remember he only loves men?)

Worst case scenario, the Matrix sent their agents to have a 24-hour chat with the curb crawler.

I wish I could rejoice about my neighbor’s pain, but I can’t. Not because I’m religious, but because I don’t think it’ll last.

Turns out Mr. Carb was indeed my neighbor.

In April, when they invited him for a five-hour talk, they took him from a house a few minutes away from where I live.

Between April and now, surely, the Romanian police officers had better intel than this guy’s social media accounts.

If only we would have met at that gas station where he was filling up his Bugatti two days ago…

Maybe I would have told him that Jerry’s pizza is actually one of the terrible pizzas we have around here. Certainly not the “most wanted” as they currently self-advertise, riding the tide of popularity that hit them overnight.

So, I don’t buy it. Neither Jerry’s pizza nor the idea that this guy will finally be kicked to the curb.

Because unlike that pizza, he can’t be topped.

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Adelina Vasile

Mother, educator, journalist, copywriter. I write about the things I need to learn myself.