I feel you, Adiba! The responsibility is overwhelming. It's like nothing we ever pictured before having this child. Fear never really goes away. But you eventually learn how to live with it. Tuck it in a pocket of your heart. Meanwhile, I honestly think that lowering your expectations is the key to survive. Accept your child, accept the stage you're in, and embrace it. I can assure you that a day will come when it will feel more bearable. A day when you'll get to see the grass in France. Just because you don't like parenting at this moment in your life, doesn't mean it will always feel this way. Maya Sayvanova has a wonderful article on this topic: https://mayasayvanova.medium.com/a-note-to-parents-who-dont-like-parenting-8de859d05c27

Mother, writer, thinker. Striving to be the change I want to see in the world.