Member-only story
How To Gain Confidence and Set the Right Limits for Your Children
Without feeling or acting like a tyrant parent
Children need limits as much as they need air. Not just limits to follow but also limits to test.
Are you unsure of what limits to set and when?
If you grew up in an authoritarian family, you might follow the same strict and cold patterns with absurd limits. Or you might try the opposite and never bother with limits.
If you grew up in a permissive family, you might follow the same loose and warm patterns with little to no limits, wanting your kids to enjoy childhood all the way. Or you might try the opposite and be too rigid about limits.
The two are extremes and your children will suffer regardless of which one you choose.
In between these two, how can you tell how much is enough and where to draw the line?
First things first…
What Are Limits?
Limits are rules we don’t bend 99% of the time.
Things we consider essential for the safety and well-being of our children and ourselves.
When we set limits, we take into account the needs of our children, but also of the people they share a space with.
The fewer and the clearer the limits, the easier for everyone to follow along. At least 99% of the time. With one condition — that you follow through with the natural consequences of not respecting the limits.
Next to the limits that keep your children safe and sound, you can and should add a couple of limits that preserve your sanity.
How do you know what limits to set for your sanity while trying not to be bossy?
If you get into arguments over a specific thing, again and again, that’s a clear sign you’re looking at a behavior that needs a limit.
For some parents, that limit is about not letting their children draw on the walls or play with a ball in the house.
For others, it’s about not letting them leave a trail of their belongings throughout the house.
